Oh, My Word!

I have been thinking about this topic for a while now and I think maybe I can get a word in.

How many times have we come across "survivor" being used to describe a person at the receiving end of sexual abuse, physical assault, etc? Or how about the "evolution" of someone’s career when he or she is stepping away from it? Oh, and what about women "using their voice" to advocate for their rights?

Needless to say, these fancy terms serve a specific purpose. They are meant to offer a different perspective and turn something negative into something positive. It is great to construct a narrative that uplifts and fulfils the needs of the individual. BUT often, it is also mutually exclusive... meaning, if I am survivor, I should not view myself as a victim. If I have evolved away from professional tennis, please do not insult me and do not insist that I am retired. If I am using my voice to share my opinions, I am not referring to my literal voice (aka speaking) but rather, something more important such as my agency and strength as a woman. While it makes sense to some extent... in doing so, are we actually running away from the real problem or pain? Hiding behind figurative speech and subjectivities to portray this rosy image?

Words make up stories, and stories aim to tell the audience (who is usually unaware or absent at the event) of the narrator’s interpretation or perspective. In other words, choosing certain words create a bias. This makes me wonder if this is why we can’t simply speak plainly and directly, without all the word salad and fanciful jargon. Why is there always this thing about "my truth"? For example, when we intentionally identify ourselves as "survivors" of abuse, it probably does suggest that we are relentless and resilient. Because nothing can ever take away my strength or dignity, right? This is my life.

However, as amazing as it sounds, it is also detracting attention from the incident or even the perpetrator. The focus of the entire saga shifts from the actual wrongdoing or wrongdoer to the recipient of it. Putting up this facade that is all about our positive image does not address two very important variables which are why or how perpetrators are even perpetrators to begin with, and our genuine feelings or intentions. It is ok to be weak. It is what it is. So using a supposedly negative term to describe the recipient is not and should not diminish the pain and bravery of the victim but rather, highlight the true state of events as well as the horrifying aftermath (which is, usually, people prey on the weak and after the ordeal, it takes monumental effort to come to terms with it). This is the plain truth and there is nothing shameful to admit to oneself that it is a difficult process.

It is ironic that the people who talk about not being labelled or not giving a flying hoot about the labels actually DO care about the labels. So much so that they need to come up with new ones to associate themselves with and reject the ones that seem to put them down because you know... labels cannot and will not define them...

I think it is time to acknowledge that there is no rigid dichotomy. It is perfectly normal to feel like a victim and a survivor, depending on the day. It is fine to say you aspire to be a retiree because you want to do something else with your time such as starting a family. It is not embarrassing to tell someone that my son or daughter is speaking to you about his or her challenges so please listen respectfully. No need for all the pompous or hopeful talk about how things are much deeper than it seems and the audience somehow does not understand but you want them to...

Positivity and negativity exist on a spectrum. It is not one or the other, and supposedly negative words can reflect how we feel sometimes. That is life. And... this is coming from an evolved survivor who is not afraid to use her voice.