Stop kidding

I am just going to say this from the get-go... What I am going to post right now is something that I think most people do NOT talk about and probably even suppress because it is that unspeakable.

The topic today is "regret". In particular, regretting having children.

"Regret" is synonymous with "mistake", and nobody likes to admit to themselves (and definitely, not to others) that they genuinely made a mistake. Regret usually intensifies when the window of opportunity to seek closure or rectify the mistake closes, which is also why regret of action can be more painful than regret of inaction. It is consciously putting yourself in harm's way or in a worse scenario than anticipated, and some mistakes cannot be reversed. What is done is done. Can't just say sorry and move on. Not that simple...

So when people intend to have children and go on to actually bring children into this world, it is intentional. I am referring to this particular group of people, and these people are usually the ones that are more open to be surveyed or willing to talk about parenthood. It is therefore interesting to note that these parents tend to say things like, "Being a parent makes me so happy" and "I never knew that I was such a loving person until I had my child", and the list goes on and on. You know what I am saying and you have heard these sweet and "awwww......" things before.

But can we stop romanticising parenthood? Can we just think about what these people are saying and if it is true? If we think about it... and I mean, REALLY think about it... I think the default answer is to say that making a conscious decision to create an innocent human being MUST be something positive. If it anything but positive, then you are portraying yourself to be a villain in your life story and an innocent person's life story because you are maybe not committed or prepared to care for and love this helpless being wholeheartedly. That is not cool, unless you don't mind humiliating yourself. Also, why is it that you have to create this whole new life to realise that you are actually a loving (or maybe, not so loving) person? Would anyone actually tell anyone that they realised they, in fact, are not that loving and patient and kind and empathetic and therefore, possibly do not possess the typical traits that a good parent ought to have? These statements that paint parenthood in such a positive light is actually not the 100% and authentic reflection of parenthood - it is a reflection of human pride.

At this point, it is probably appropriate to emphasise that I am not saying that everyone should never ever have kids and all parents are miserable because they detest their responsbilities or identities. This is not my point. My point is, and what I am concerned is, that people should not give fake reviews just to protect his or her pride. In this case, not give fake reviews about parenthood and what having kids is really really really really really like. Having kids should not suddenly awaken this loving and patient and kind and empathetic, etc side to you. Cause what if you can never biologically have kids? You won't ever realise that you can be loving and patient and kind and empathetic, etc? If this is the case, isn't humanity screwed up? And would you want future generations to be surrounded by this? Or worse, would you want your kids or future kids to be this screwed up? We definitely can be all these nice things without or before birthing a child... so let's remove our rose-tinted glasses and just really ask ourselves - WHY ARE WE BREEDING?