Double D

Taboo topics no more...

1) Deaths

A lot of people think that deaths (from natural causes like old age and terminal diseases, if I may emphasise) are unspeakable. It is not... to me.

The closest person whom I knew personally and passed away recently is my grandmother. I speak of my grandmother with great fondness even though she annoyed the crap out of me sometimes. I mean, my grandmother was the one who bestowed my arsenal of cuss words (some of which she used on me...lol!!) to me. But every single time I reminiscence about my grandmother to my friends and end the story with 'but she has passed on already...', they will always go 'I'm so sorry for your loss'.

I don't get why they are sorry. While it is true that I have physically lost a sparring partner to practise my cussing skills with, it has never crossed my mind that I have lost my grandmother in any way.

It occurred to me that deaths sometimes trigger sad memories and so, people usually apologise when they are brought up. But I wonder... why is it that these sad memories only affect us after the person has departed?

...  the word 'regret' comes to mind.

I think we often neglect our loved ones because we take their existence for granted. And even when we ponder about their deaths from time to time, we often suppress such thoughts because anticipating deaths is supposedly ominous. I beg to differ.

We should think about deaths all the time because dying (from natural causes) is not unfortunate or morbid at all. It is part and parcel of life. Because only when we embrace death can we truly embrace life. To me, thinking about death keeps us mindful that we need to treat people better because it makes us petrified that we will leave the worst impressions of ourselves to the departed.



2) Divorces

Divorce still carry a stigma because it is apparently embarrassing and reprehensible for one to 'give up' on his/her marriage. Then there is always the question of 'who is the blameworthy one?'

But just as the weather changes, people change too. Why is it more acceptable for us to separate from friends who have grown apart from us but not our spouses? Certainly, there are differences between friends and spouses but ultimately, the only notable difference is the marriage certificate. And what is a marriage certificate? To some, a bargaining chip to get a share in the matrimonial assets. To others, simply a piece of paper which is disposable.

I think if people judge (whether inwardly or otherwise) less and understand that sometimes, marriage is not meant for everyone, it'll be much easier for divorcees to talk about their experiences and seek (perhaps) a second chance or third or fourth in love again.