That is a red one

 

(Reference - Venom: Let there be Carnage by Sony Pictures)

I have been thinking about writing this topic for a while now. And that is, getting married to someone is not as straightforward as settling down into a new life as husband and wife (or husband and husband / wife and wife for some). People do not realise that if their spouses are close to their family members, then they will end up marrying his/her entire family too. 

The shift in dynamics can be challenging to navigate for both parties and it is very important to communicate the dos and don'ts with everyone involved, especially if you are going to move in with them. But I guess it is pretty much common sense that communication is the bedrock of healthy relationships. So I am more interested to know what will one do if he/she discovers that there is no way he/she can get along with the in-laws? What if nobody wants to compromise? What if there is no compromise to begin with? 

These questions have been weighing on me for a while because personally, I have seen marriages BREAK families up instead of bringing more people together. Perhaps the pertinent question is what is the point of getting together with someone. The answer varies from individual to individual. There is no right or wrong because we all have different priorities. 

I feel like if we know what we are getting ourselves into and we feel it is worth the conflicts and hassle, then do it. It works for you. But if you are projecting your ideals on your spouse and his/her family, then you are most likely going to struggle afterwards. Because the reality is... someone will be caught in the middle. Someone will have to make the tough call. That someone will most likely be your spouse and if he/she is not on the same page as you, then the marriage will be fraught with chalenges. 

Sometimes, these can be observed through day-to-day interactions with your prospective spouses. And these observations are all red flags. Do not view them through rose-tinted glasses and assume the marriage will change things. Usually, it will not. It only magnifies them. 

So I guess my conclusion is... it is wonderful to find that one person in a billion. But a union is not between two people - it is between two families. Talk about this - what is the priority, what the boundaries are, etc. 

And as depressing as it may sound, if there is no resolution, perhaps it is not meant to be... Going back to the Venom reference.... This is why they didn't work out...