INFJ - Part I

I decided to come out of the closet and declare my MBTI. It is INFJ.

And in some inane way, I feel slightly embarrassed telling the whole world that I am an INFJ. Because some really prominent humanitarians are INFJs and indirectly, it appears that I am humble-bragging. But trust me... If I had a choice, I do not think I would want to be an INFJ.

This is Part I is my INFJ diary. 

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist. Within each personality type, people differ. Everything I write here is from my own perspective. 

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I think I should start with this meme. 

This is basically me EVERY SINGLE second of my life. I think most INFJs will tell you that even though they (seem like they) are quietly doing their work or have their headphones on, they are not at peace. At all. Ever. 

For example, from the moment I leave my house, I know I will meet people... strangers... And I will unknowingly observe what they do or say... I want to know what they do or say. Are they using their phones to read the news? Mindlessly "liking" people's Instagram photos? Replying to WhatsApp messages about work? Are they listening to trap music? Or is it the new Selena Gomez's album? 

And more often than not, it does not end there. Oh,no... not for us. After observing them, I want to know why. Not because I am nosy. But because I want to know these people on a deeper level. Sounds so crazy or creepy. But I want to know what kind of news are they most likely reading? Is it sports? Are they skipping past the entertainment news? What kind of trap music? Do they change the genre after it gets repetitive? All of this... snippets of seemingly useless information in just a single train ride home.

My subconscious actions have made me so afraid that I wish I did not have to leave my house. Heck, no, I don't wanna leave my room. I cannot. Because when I do, I know my mind will go into overdrive and it is insanely exhausting. It is so incessant and it cannot stop. So my no-fuss remedy is to distract myself - with music, with a book, with writing (like now). Something. Anything. However it does not work. Because now, I am overanalysing the lyrics and watching people... and putting two and two together. That concoction of a brainstorm is worse than any Category 5 hurricane.

But the most ironic thing... despite it all... is that I crave it. If the person that I want to know reciprocates, then we become this magnetic duo. Sometimes it becomes unhealthy because they know I am curious and I am overly helpful or empathetic, and they do certain things that are arguably manipulative or attention-seeking. (I will talk about that in a separate post because it will be pretty convoluted post if I jumped from one topic to another even though it is all linked... Or if you want to, you can read my previous post about self-victimisation.)

Anyway, after saying so much without really saying too much, I don't know if I did a decent job explaining why INFJs tend to be worn out every day, every time.

Just in case I am not making sense... maybe this guy's video will shed some light (and read the comments):

"INFJs don't usually feel like they are in their bodies..." (YES, AMEN)