Where are we in 2017?

Hey! Thank for you being patient with me and still coming back to this personal and intimate space of ours to see what is up!

A few weeks, I prepared a draft of a blog post on a very sensitive topic - discrimination. In particular, I wanted to share my personal experiences of how I had suffered from prejudice and rejection because of my skin tone, my degree, my gender, etc, in this country, in my country. However, I decided not to publish it because I was afraid. In a perverse way, I even felt like I deserved it. I was incompetent and I was undeserving because I am who I am.

But today, I am standing up against these bigots who masquerade as our friends, our allies, our flesh and blood.

Once upon a time, in a not so faraway land, there was this aspiring lawyer. To protect his identity, let's call him 'X'.

X and I had mutual friends at school and we would hang out in the same social circle. We became good friends soon after. And when I mean good friends, I mean it. We would always think about each other when we needed advice from the opposite gender. You know, the typical "hey, Bel, do you think she likes me??" We even played matchmaker a few times because that is how comfortable we are with each other. To keep the long story short, we had each other's backs and I want to believe we cared for each other dearly.

But with all fairy tales, all that glitters is not gold. Somewhere, somehow, people change or reveal their true selves. Because people become obsessed with power and reputation, and that devours them.

In the recent years, X would express his elitist views to me and qualify them with "Bel, I am not talking about you, just the other overseas graduates." At first, I took his comments lightly. Only because I had hope. I believed he would snap out of it or better, grow out of it.

However, as time went by, he became more convinced that there is a pecking order among young lawyers, and if there is, he is the one who dictates who stands where, and why. This is behaviour that I can no longer defend or justify. I simply cannot. I should have nipped the problem in the bud when I thought it was a Freudian slip. I should not have waited until he is so far gone - so far gone to a point that sometimes I look at him and I cannot recognise him.

So here I am... mourning over the loss of a friendship which I may never get back and mourning over the degeneration of modern society because I know he is not the only one...

Because just when you think it cannot get any worse, it does.
What happens if X is not someone of equal standing as you? What happens if X is your superior or manager?

Workplace discrimination is something we tend to turn a blind eye to because we usually blame ourselves for being inept before questioning why we are treated unfairly. We like the idea that meritocracy exists and employers are bright enough to distinguish (and appreciate) the diligent and efficient worker from the others. But not everything is professional and not everyone can keep things objective. Sometimes no matter what how hard we try and what we have accomplished for the company, it is things we cannot control that matter - things like our gender and our personality.

It saddens me to see how certain women are denied opportunities simply because they are considered weak or ditsy. It saddens me to see how certain introverts are disregarded and then discarded simply because their more gregarious peers, who are better at delivering elaborated spiels, are viewed to be more confident and therefore, more competent.

This cannot be our reality anymore. This is not the narrative we should accept because our young will undoubtedly follow.

I say it is time WE end this. Let's try to refrain from judging, to refrain from having preconceived notions and most importantly, to refrain from hating and putting people down.

You know why? Because we are more complex than that... we are more compassionate than that.